Help Me... We're Lost... By Request...

I was told to blog this morning after a collection of events led to a pointless argument today....
Well maybe it wasn't completely pointless, because for me I felt it was necessary because I just got fucking tired...
Let me say it quite simply, I've cheated and lied to women...
One woman in particular...
And it doesn't matter if it was simply emotional infidelity or physical, I've done my dirt...
I'm not going to speak on what has or hasn't been done that led me to do what I've done, but as I've said, the things I've done to hurt women... and one woman in particular isn't something I'm very proud of...
It's just a part of the things that lead me to be exactly who I am at this moment in this place at this time.
She gets a lot of what she considered to be useless e-mails, text messages, and written correspondence from me...
It's because I'm bad at having a face to face confrontation with her because I don't like to, I don't feel like I'm getting my point across, she constantly accuses me based on old shit (be it recent old shit or really old ass old shit) and I feel like that for as much as her opinions and hurt feelings deserved to be put into consideration that the same isn't done for me...

And I've been hurt too...
So today to her I was petty...
To me, I just had gotten to the point where I had enough...
Because I show up everyday, I put in work, I try, I spend money I don't have, travel places I don't have to go for my own personal gain, do things that I don't particularly want to do... FOR HER...
Because I love her and always want her to do well and be well...
I want to see her succeed, with or without me...
But when someone is constantly nagging you...
Questioning your motives...
Where you are...
What you're doing...
And so on...
Even if the initial reasoning for them being that way is legitimate, after a while you just want them to decide if they're not going to forgive you enough not to bash you over the head with it every time they get angry, use it to justify talking to you rudely, etc then they should just let you go...

You should never be with someone just because you like what you like...
You better damn well know...
And you better damn well tell them from time to time to give them hope for the future...
And a complete change in personality and behavior contrary to the historical takes time...
Your man better damn well want you...
If not someone else will...
And if you're not meeting your man's needs...
If you're refusing any sense of emotional compromise because you feel like it's deserved based on poor decisions he's made and your aspirations to be a better you as an individual then maybe you need to leave him alone until you're ready to be there...
No one has the right to be part time in a relationship with full time rules...
And that's what I feel like today...

I'm supposed to not talk to anyone else...
No look at anyone else...
Not have a questionable joke on my social mediums...
And so on....
But I don't feel any kind of anything that resembles love or appreciate for me and what I do...
AND THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX!!!
I think any man worth his weight wants to pleasure and be pleasured by a woman...
But if you can't stop and acknowledge when your significant other does something FOR YOU...
If you can't sometimes bow out (not down) to avoid a conflict and look at somethings and say, "it's not that deep. He doesn't mean me any harm. Let me not blow this dumb shit out of proportion"...
If you're determined to be disagreeable right down to a simple mistake like some keys being left on the table...
Why would your man want to be around you?
Even if he has done wrong...
Because if you're gonna let him continue to be there, you have to make the decision to be there yourself...
And if you can't... then don't...
But if you can't see it...
If it's not yet clear...
I'm asking for your help...

PS- You asked me to blog cynically because you thought I was gonna present some cultivated thought process where I'd make the world believe I'm innocent... well I'm not.... I'm not without fault... I'm flawed... I've lied (REPEATEDLY), I've been emotionally absent, told inappropriate jokes when I was with you and the list can go on. But I'm trying... you're not making this easy... and I'm not the only one with an issue here...
I'm not going to prod you, harass you, antagonize you... I left you today not just because I'm childish... I know myself... and if you call me taking you back where I found you childish then so be it, but I'm not going to lose my cool and harm you, do something irresponsible myself, etc and not be able to take it back. I'm not all talk... I've been involved in actions I'm not proud of and just because you're angry, I'm angry, you've never seen me do it, you've listened to some fool who led you to believe I won't, and you're not old enough to have lived when I did it doesn't mean that doesn't exist in me... So I did what was best. Childish is a constant behavior, you'll have it in you until your 40... doesn't make you any less of an adult... same applies to me. We can only hope to be better today than we were yesterday... And I'm trying... today my patience just wore thin...

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10 Years Later...Still No Need For Any Ivory Replacements

The magnanimous force that is Ivory Orr is a spectacle to watch… even 10+ years in he still manages to harness some sort of whimsical awe inspiring interest from the Jacksonville masses… and people think I hate Ivory. I could give you a million reason why I don’t, but as soon you hear me come with the proverbial… well… “BUT” I’m so known for in explaining my perspective on anything, one is certain that there are still some ill feelings there on my end… but there’s really not… I just try to see things from both sides…

No one can deny the syntropic force that is C.E.O…. Ivory Orr… or whatever name he may be using these days. He is the prime example of what hip hop has always been… the entrepreneurial spirit.  So who is Ivory Orr? The studious sort that excelled while whisking his way around Ribault Senior High School? Perhaps he’s the young man in the yellow Honda who started Point Blank Entertainment from the depths of nothingness into the most recognizable promotion/entertainment company in north eastern Florida? Or better yet, is he the man behind what has now become the brand for the urban adult contemporary scene, Crown Capital? Ivory is a hodgepodge of all of these things and figure who transcends the commonalities of what is the Jacksonville entertainment scene…

Many people might be surprised to hear me say it, but for better or worse Ivory came along at the right time… at a declining moment in Cool Runnings history he came with a fresh perspective, an innovative team of people like DJ D-Money, Roger For Mayor, Sean Don, DJ 151, Vernon K. Johnson II, Chris Francisco, and others. Many of whom were laying the foundation for what the UNF/JU/EWC party scenes would be today. The definition of trendsetters is what they were and with a decline in interest in Cool Runnings, Point Blank filled that void and did so well… after taking their bumps and bruises along the way…

What made Ivory similar, but different from Billy was a savvy of a different sort… Billy (for those who don’t know, we’re talking about Bigga Rankin) knew entertainment, but not necessarily the differing entertainment that those on the college scene wanted. They didn’t want to hide in building 15 at UNF… NO! They wanted to come to the clubs… just not Kartouche….

So being… we’ll say… thrifty, came in handy for Ivory… he understood the value of a dollar, branding, and investment sharing… and use translated that into the Roxy with unconventional, but semi-professional management from the top down… it’s like the nigga took the Six Sigma concept and translated it into the clubs…

10+ years later, he’s survived changes in the market, the oncoming threat of companies like mine, River City Entertainment, D.I.M.E. (which helped bring Point Blank to prominence through mutual intermingling), the return of Cool Runnings to prominence, and an assortment of newcomers. He's remained, even in the mist of promoting numerous nights a formidable MC... one who I still list as top 5 in the city and a respected member of the Jacksonville community. So I do I hate Ivory? No. I just had to go my own way… and for better or worse I’m happy with how my life turned out as I’m sure he is with his…

The king of his thrown… capsuled in the halls of his Ivory tower…

Yung Trap ft. Ivory Orr- Point Blank Shit

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I Wrote This Back In 2007... Enjoy...

Point Blank Entertainment- Deadly Range

By: B. Jacobs

Two years ago if said the name Point Blank to someone they’d stare with confused look on their face and end up saying what is now said about everyone’s favorite rapper Mike Jones, “who?”

My how quickly things change…

Since 2003 this collective of promoters, DJ’s, artists, and businessmen have managed to turn two major clubs, the Roxy and Rain, into hip hop holy ground in Duval County.

“A lot of people don’t understand that we started off as an artist union over at UNF,” said Ivory Orr, owner of Point Blank Entertainment. “Friday January 30, 200? we started our first actual club night at the Roxy and we’ve been blessed to have maintained success ever since.”

Along with bolstering the two major club nights in the city. Point Blank has aided the careers of many local DJ’s. DJ 151, who two years ago would never have dreamed to have accomplished as much as he has, recently celebrated his birthday with a string of weekend long club nights dedicated to him, his birthday, and his accomplishments up to this point.

DJ D Money aka “the Cognac Kid” recently released his newest mixtape “Put Ya Money Where Your Mouf Is.”

From an artist stand Point Blank works with regionally successful acts such as Ty Stick, Jack Gunz & the Few, and the mastermind behind those green D.I.M.E. stickers you’ll see up and down I-95 and I-10, the Dime High.  

“I graduated from the University of North Florida with two degrees, marketing and business management, so this is what I’ve wanted to do my whole life. I want to do Point Blank shows in the Bahamas. I’d like to do tours with our artist internationally. I just want to take this thing as far as God will allow me to go with it.”

Whether you’re in their sights from a distance or at… point blank range Ivory Orr (the Commander & Chief) and his crew of entrepreneurs are not to be played with and pose a serious threat to anyone even thinking of moving into Duval without stepping to them first. Point Blank Entertainment is a group to keep an eye on for years to come.

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